Admittedly I am not old enough to have flown when flying was like this but I remember, not to far back, my children being given "goody bags," Virgin staff coming around with free ice creams and bars of chocolate, and those wonderful moments when you were able to dip your toes in to the world of the privileged and a get an upgrade!
Now living in Europe I get to experience the delights of Ryan Air, Whizz Air & Easy Jet....no upgrades there! For those of you living outside of Europe you probably haven't experienced the joy of flying with these companies. Yes, the flights are cheap...if your carry-on is, “Strictly one item of cabin baggage per passenger (excluding infants) weighing up to 10kg with maximum dimensions of 55cm x 40cm x 20cm.” They are not joking, no other hand luggage, no tiny purse or handbag, no camera, no laptop...everything must be in the one bag. Ryan Air & Whizz Air even weigh those carry-ons; if they are overweight then you must remove items so you meet the weight requirement...if not you face a charge of €60. What do you do with the items? Tuck them in your pockets of course! Bizarrely, items carried in your pockets become weightless & do not affect the load the plane is carrying! This phenomenon has caused this creation of the famous Ryan Air coat, a design classic!
So here's the scene at the airport as you are about to board.... you see women ramming their bags inside the suitcase, glancing around surreptitiously to see if they are allowed to carry that book or magazine, sitting on cases to close them and people with huge bodies under coats bulging with extra sweaters and the odd hairdryer. I have, I admit, been forced to wear multiple layers of clothing on the flight just so I could pass the carry-on inspection! Those Ryan Air guys are not called "The Bag Nazis" for nothing!
Oh by the way, did I mention that there is no assigned seating on some of these airlines so once the Bag Nazis have passed you by, you then have to stand in line waiting for the plane to arrive, running shoes on, elbows out, ready for the signal that they will board you now. Then you are off, running down the straight, the crowds cheering you on, cameras flashing, the gold medal within your sights...oh, wait, that was the Olympics! Of course this is only if you want to sit together with your traveling companion or child, or desperately want your lightweight, dimension correct luggage to fit in the overhead bins. Doesn't it sound fun?
Of course long haul flights are not like this, but sadly the need for heightened security these days has meant that security checks are stressful if you are not a frequent traveller. I am a seasoned flier and dress accordingly....no belt, slip-on shoes, no heavy jewellery, no scarf, lap-top easily accessible, pockets free of change. Of course I always seem to stand by the person that has all of these things and needs five plastic trays in which to unload...& they always have liquids over 100mls!
Flying a plane costs money and, as we are aware, airlines are struggling to stay afloat! So the free chocolates and kids "goody bags" are gone and legroom on a plane seems to get less and less as they cram more seating in. I experienced a passengers response to this recently and it was not fun! Halfway through my flight from Boston to Amsterdam, I had watched my movie and eaten my delicious dinner so decided I would try to get a little sleep...I know, next to impossible but we are ever optimistic! I reclined my seat ready to cuddle down when all of a sudden the woman behind me started yelling at me, poking my arm through the gap & punching the back of my seat! "You can't do that, I have no space, put your seat up," she ranted. I turned to her and said, "I am sorry but I am going to sleep," "No, you are not allowed, I have no room." I quietly explained she should complain to the airlines but that I was going to recline my seat, only to be shouted at and told that she wouldn't let me sleep but would continue to thump the seatback! By this time other passengers were looking sympathetically at me...Oh no, she's got the nutter on the bus, and my husband was about to go all "Jethro Gibbs" on her! I was beginning to get nervous, what if she freaked out and took me hostage over seat space. I could see it in the news, "Woman held at plastic spoon point on Delta flight to Amsterdam." The flight attendant came to rescue me and explained that I was allowed to recline my seat the three inches but this passenger was not having it and continued to shout that she would not let me! Being, by this time, scared that she was a maniac, I offered to donate those precious three inches to her. "No," the attendant told me, "you must recline if you want to." Finally, the Purser came to bear on the crazy lady and she, after several minutes of shouting, was either sedated secretly with a blow-dart or just realized that she was looking at flying in restraints the rest of the way. I stayed reclined, with my hand on the call-bell, looking over my shoulder out of one eye, waiting for something to hit me on the head and unsurprisingly never did sleep! It was a ridiculous fuss over three inches but we have all been there, when that seat looms into our tiny area making it almost impossible to use the table and the movie screen is so close that its out of focus. Fortunately most of us don't have a tantrum about it, and if we do our traveling partner, aka husband, usually bears the brunt of it!
Flying used to be part of the travel adventure you were setting out on...the pre thrill, the taste of exotic exploits, the sumptuous ribbon around the gift of globe-trotting. Now, it seems to be, in many cases, the nasty tasting medication you must take in order to experience the thrills of excursions. So please take note of the closest usable exit, be aware of falling bags when opening the overhead bins, look for the person with a sweat coated face with eight sweaters on, practice your running start when booking a flight on Ryan Air and, most importantly, check there is not a deranged woman sitting immediately behind when reclining your seat. We thank you for flying with us today and hope you have a safe onward journey!
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